Insults may feel trivial, but science shows they can cause pain similar to physical injury, as the brain processes social rejection in much the same way. However, the impact of an insult is not solely determined by the person delivering it — the recipient plays a crucial role in how it lands and how it’s handled.
Research has revealed several effective strategies for responding to insults, all of which aim to shift the power dynamic back to the target. One such method is to reframe the insulter as part of a less desirable group, thereby undermining their status. For example, if someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid,” a witty retort like, “Okay, calm down grandma,” casts them as outdated and irrelevant — especially effective if they’re clearly not elderly.
Another approach is to highlight and exaggerate a flaw in the insulter’s statement, effectively turning the insult back on them. If someone says, “I don’t understand why your attractive partner is with you,” a reply such as, “Would you like me to explain it to you? With crayons?” mocks their comprehension skills rather than internalising the insult.
A third method involves embracing the insult and building upon it, known as co-constructing criticism. For instance, when called “fat,” replying with, “I should hope so, I’ve spent enough money to get this way,” removes the sting and reframes the insult as a humorous self-investment.
All of these tactics revolve around a central theme: denying the insulter elevated status and maintaining control of the interaction. By doing so, the target of the insult retains their dignity and often comes out appearing more composed and clever than their aggressor.
This article was written in response to a question submitted by Archie Fox via email, asking for the best comeback to an insult.
